New Girl, the Fox sitcom about a teacher who moves into a loft full of guys, aired seven successful seasons between 2011 and 2018. Being that we’ve dived into everything from Jess’ relationships to the hidden details in the loft, we decided it was time to look at something a little more personal: every characters’ intelligence.
In this lineup, we’ll be stacking up every main character (and a few reoccurring ones) based on their smarts. Though we don’t have any strict ranking criteria, we’ll be taking things into account including a characters’ street smarts, book smarts, and emotional intelligence.
With the logistics out of the way, it’s time to head out to L.A. and crash in the loft; Here are New Girl’s characters, ranked by their intelligence.
Outside Dave
Outside Dave is the homeless man who lives right outside of the loft and frequently interacts with the gang. Being that he’s seen in the same spot near the apartment from Season 2 to Season 7, we can’t help but wonder why he hasn’t moved on with his life and just lounges around on the sidewalk all day.
Let’s also not overlook that time he locked himself in the loft’s bathroom and started calling it “the laboratory.” His intelligence is not high.
Caroline
Though we don’t know much about Caroline outside of Nick’s shattered perspective of her, we do know that she made him miserable. As far as we can tell, she was a terrible girlfriend all-around.
When Nick runs into her at a wedding one evening in Season 1, the pair starts flirting again. Caroline soon reveals, however, that she has a boyfriend.
Anyone who thinks it is okay to lead someone on while in a relationship is not the smartest.
Nick
Alas, poor Nick Miller is also low on the list of intelligence. Though he’s very book smart, his low self-esteem oftentimes gets in the way of his success. This is why he didn’t finish law school, even though he was fully capable of doing so.
He also lacks a decent amount of common sense Nick has a hard time managing his money despite holding a good job; He doesn’t even have a bank account. Additionally, he’s bad at basic human functions like cooking and cleaning.
Nick needs to be watched after.
Winston
Though Winston is perhaps the goofiest of the roommates, his intelligence should not be underestimated.
Getting the bad stuff out of the way, he’s terrible at judging when a prank is too big or too small, and he also doesn’t have a lot of work experience, being that he played basketball until he received a leg injury. There was also that time he thought he missed the backside of his police test, only to learn that there was no other side because it was administered on a computer. Ooof.
Despite this, Winston knows how to read people. This skill allows him to successfully trick Schmidt into switching rooms with him. He is also good at communicating with animals (particularly his cat Ferguson) and has a decent amount of common sense.
Coach
Though Coach is great at dealing with the guys, he is terrible at interacting with women.
When Jess at first wants to move into the loft, Coach insists she shouldn’t so that he can sit around on the couch without clothes on. When she later tries to befriend Coach by bonding over basketball with him, he continues to push away the emotional connection she attempts to build.
Even later, Coach tries to take Cece on a date but ends up acting rude and cocky the entire night. While he thinks playing it cool will make him more attractive, it ends up pushing her further away.
Moves like these show how little he knows about dealing with the gals.
Reagan
Reagan is both a smart and successful businesswoman. She’s also great at being direct and confronting people, a skill that carries into both her professional and personal life.
Despite having these great qualities, Reagan isn’t very emotionally intelligent. She constantly pushes people out and has a hard time getting close to anyone. This is what ultimately pushes her and Nick’s relationship to an end.
Schmidt
Opposite of Nick, Schmidt is excellent and managing the day-to-day aspects of life like cooking and cleaning. He’s additionally skilled at his marketing firm career and manages to do well despite being the only man in the office.
Where Schmidt isn’t smart is in the emotion department. He oftentimes gets passionate about things that are unimportant (like whether he or his cousin Schmidt is more deserving of the name) and has a hard time figuring out his feelings for Cece. That being said, he gets by, and of the guys, he’s the most advanced.
Jess
Jess’ bubbly persona doesn’t overshadow her smarts.
Yes, Jess does struggle a lot with her emotions and has a difficult time coming to terms with how she feels about the various men she dates, whether those feelings are positive or negative. That being said, she’s very successful in her career, starting out as a teacher and working her way to principal. This couldn’t have happened if she didn’t have the brains.
One other thing Jess has going for her is her adaptability. Though sometimes she struggles to enact her decisions or figure out what she wants, she learns from her past mistakes and adjusts accordingly.
Cece
Though Cece oftentimes feels looked down upon because of her modeling lifestyle, she’s actually one of the most intelligent characters in New Girl.
Cece may have dropped out of high school to start her career early, but with help from Schmidt, she ends up later passing the GED and getting her diploma.
Additionally, Cece gives good dating advice and is also pretty skilled at handling herself when need be.
Robby
Though Robby might look like “just the nice guy,” he’s actually incredibly bright.
In Season 6, it’s revealed that he design factories and also formerly worked as a studio musician. Additionally, he shares a gardener with Vin Diesel, previously saved Elon Musk’s life, and had a PBS documentary created about him. In other words, he’s had a pretty diverse and successful life, which couldn’t have happened if he weren’t so well-rounded and smart.
If only he was bright enough to realize he and Jess were cousins before they started dating. Oops?
