Netflix’s YOU just kept on giving in its second season, which further deepened Joe’s character and introduced Love, a potential female version of the obsession that Joe characterizes. While many might have believed that Love and Joe are perfect for each other, the ending of the second season implies Joe is already moving on to other things.
YOU isn’t exactly the best place to go for advice for relationships, but Joe’s obsessive behavior does shed some light on modern dating issues. Many of the themes in the show are surprisingly common, especially in an era where everything is available on social media. Here’s what we can actually take away from the show when it comes to relationships.
Everyone Has Flaws
Whenever Joe meets a new girl, he’s completely enthralled by her. In his mind, she has no imperfections, and if she does behave in a way that he dislikes, he’s often quick to take action. He always wants things to go his way, and can’t handle it when he sees in Love the same flaws that he knows he has himself.
The fact is, everyone, even the most perfect-seeming partner, will have flaws. Flaws are usually there to stay for life, and while they can be worked around and toned down through personal growth, it should come from within and not from a romantic partner. Change and growth should be individual, and not forced.
Trust Your Friends
In both seasons of YOU, the friendships that Beck and Love have always come to play a very important role in the relationship. Sometimes, those friendships might work against the relationship and other times Joe might find unlikely allies within the friend group of his girlfriend. However, he always looks down upon these friends and considers them pawns that he needs to please or deal with.
No matter who we end up with, friends are a constant. All things equal, friendships don’t disappear even after years, which is why they’re so valuable. Friends are there to keep both sides of the relationship in check, and also act as a wake-up call if things get out of hand.
Be Comfortable On Your Own
It becomes very evident early on that Joe’s life outside of pursuing the perfect romance is pretty bleak and nonexistent. He defines his happiness in terms of his relationship status. If he can’t get the girl he wants, it’s almost like he’s not a whole person. Joe is completely dependent on romance.
Focusing everything on finding a partner to be with is putting oneself as a second priority. It gives others the power to define our worth. This is why in order to love someone, one first needs to love themselves. It’s one of the reasons why Joe struggles to maintain a relationship: because he doesn’t truly value himself and instead tries to replace that self-love with love from someone else.
Be Careful What You Share Online
After Joe has chosen a target, he’ll immediately start investigating that person. The show shows him scouring through social media accounts, checking every single post and building up a profile of the person and their interests, long before he’s even had a proper conversation with them.
Social media gives an extremely narrow image of a person, as it’s usually just a collection of a person’s highlights. That being said, it’s incredibly important to protect one’s identity in an era where it’s easy to find out information about anyone just by going on social media sites. It’s always a good idea to keep those privacy settings in check.
Don’t Ignore Red Flags
When the characters in YOU are in love, they’re usually madly in love. This is what made it difficult for Beck and for Love to spot any worrying behavior from Joe’s side, because of the few good things he had done to win their hearts over. However, there were definitely red flags, which should have been noticed earlier.
People tend to be reluctant to believe the person they love the most could do something horrible. However, the sad truth is that everyone is capable of terrible things, and the truth about some people might be uglier than we’d like to think. It’s okay to be cautious, and a person who loves and respects their partner will understand that, too.
Family And Friends Are Key
Throughout YOU it’s been very obvious that unlike Joe’s romantic interests, he himself doesn’t really have many friends. In fact, he comes across as a loner. He never talks about having friends or family, and his partners never seem that concerned with it either. However, this is actually a major red flag.
Family and friends can say a lot about a person’s past and personality. While some people can simply be naturally introverted, partners who never disclose any information about friends or family might have something to hide or have trouble establishing trust.
When In Doubt, Ask
All of Joe’s relationships have always been superficial. Everything takes place at a surface level, and the characters rarely have a true, genuine connection. When problems arise, Joe tends to make his own assumptions about things, and then take drastic action, rather than being honest with his partner.
Communication is one of the most important and difficult aspects of a relationship. Being sincere can put a person into a vulnerable and uncomfortable position, but it will always pay off to speak the truth, rather than just assume and make guesses about the other person’s feelings and intentions.
Don’t Put All Your Eggs In One Basket
Whenever Joe meets that seemingly perfect partner, he devotes every living and breathing hour of his life to them. Everything revolves around that person, and whatever he does is done in service of the relationship. His biggest motivation is to appear perfect before the person he loves.
While it’s easy to give everything to the person one loves, it’s important to remember that relationships are not the end all be all of life. Friendships, family, hobbies, and work are all areas that deserve just as much attention and care, and shouldn’t be neglected when in a relationship.
The Past Is In The Past - Unless It’s Murder
Joe’s biggest flaw is his obsession with the past, especially with Beck. While he might try and find out everything about his partner, he hypocritically does all in his power to cover up his own past. Unfortunately for him, the past can’t ever be just ignored, and it returns to haunt him in the form of Candace.
The past is a difficult topic in relationships. It’s good to acknowledge it’s there, but it shouldn’t be used as a weapon against the other person. Everyone is capable of growth, and that’s the beauty in most relationships. That being said, murder shouldn’t be forgotten, which is why Joe’s past has the right to haunt him.
A Great Relationship Can’t Ever Be Forced
Joe’s biggest mission is to live his life as though he’s writing a book. He believes he can manipulate events in a way that will put him together with the person of his dreams. To him, this is a valid way of living life and of having a relationship, and that’s why he always crashes.
Relationships cannot be forced. It’s important to respect the other person’s private space and be natural about getting to know them. Real-life isn’t a story that can be crafted carefully through scheming and manipulation, and basing a relationship on such grounds is extremely detrimental to all involved.
